This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
