He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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