Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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