i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
