I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
