It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
