Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
you guys were way drunker than both of me
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
My ass is underappreciated
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
