Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
