Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
