i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
