I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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