I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
