woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
