I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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