I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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