She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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