It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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