you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
