im drinking this country out of the recession.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
