Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
