Already got asked if we're dating
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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