So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
