I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
