I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
