my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
