I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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