Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I could fuck to npr.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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