she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
How naked do you want me to be?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
