i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
