hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
She's the barista slut.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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