oh god the rape fog is back!
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
