I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
