I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I didn't notice because vodka
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
