you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
