you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
