Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
