I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
