i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
