Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
