FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I think my moral compass just broke
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
