I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
We had sex on a dog bed..
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
