Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
