maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
