Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
