I must be too annoying 4 u.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
