32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
