who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
