i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
