I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
