guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
