So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
