vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
