he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
