apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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