I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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