Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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